when I find myself in times of trouble
david tennant comes to me
speaking words of wisdom
Its the numbness I fear… the feeling that nothing matters. That whatever happened between us doesnt matter, because It does. It was special, and sweet, and I loved every minute of it.
I dont want to forget you. I want to always remember you. Just without the pain…
I fear that without you, I will turn to my old ways, and I dont want that to happen. They are not good for me, and I have rejected them. With you, I could forget it. In fact, those habits and thoughts rarely ever crossed my mind… But now… they are back, starting again, touching the edge of my mind again. I dont want that.
But you dont love me… Never really did. You said so.. Just as a friend…
Well guess what. I dont want to be your friend. I want to be something more… You helped me grow closer to God. You challenged me… I could discuss Sermons and biblical things with you and I loved that.
And now… Its just me and my thoughts….
Oh my thoughts…. Never ending are they… Almost always of you… Am I in yours as often as you’re in mine? I doubt it… You had already moved on… Gotten a haircut when you said you were going to let it grow out… The little things… I think that hurt worse… Knowing that you were changing the rules on me… Without me even knowing…
The pain is subsiding now. Slowing, lessening, fading. Eventually, it will be gone. But I dont want to lose all hope in the process of losing the pain. Do you know how quickly I would have you back? No… you wouldn’t, because I didnt let you. I hid that from you as best I could. Trying not to come on too strong, but let the pieces fall where they may. And I guess they did, but I still dont know.
I just pray that the Lord shows me what to do now that He apparently told you that you dont need or want me…